Recapitulation on my life

Hey guys, so I’m writing this in class because my gyrating head made me become conscious about the fact that I haven’t published in a while and I said that I’ll inaugurate writing more frequently in my previous post… so here it is.

I’m going to start off by saying… please follow my new Instagram page: “@thisboyissaying“, and I don’t mean to brag but… at the moment, I have 130 followers – I know, I know, I’m pretty popular (but seriously I’d really appreciate if you slapped me with a follow.)

Okay, so I’m going to start writing about my life. I might talk about the people in it, things that happen and other stuff. And I’m not going to care about 100% proper grammar because I have this thing called a “creative license”, so I’m going to put conjunctions at the beginnings of sentences and spell words phonetically if I please… so don’t correct me (remember that I’ll always, always be the English god, no matter what you think.)

So, where should I start? Okay, last week I hiked up Table Mountain in Cape Town and slept over at the top. It all started in the morning when I emerged from the cavern of my folded up duvet, went to the bathroom I took an ice-cold shower because it ascends my metabolism and that’s profusely healthy. After my shower I looked into the mirror of my bathroom and had a cheeky gander at my face, and above my seemingly infinite forehead, I saw how clapped my hair was – so I forthwith fixed that up. After I got dressed, I had a nutritional breakfast like I usually do.

The hike was colossally convivial, the beginning was rough and very, very steep, but as I progressed I got used to it. And I would like to address that my leg was in a lot of pain that morning, so I was essentially hobbling up the mountain, how much fun. As I was faltering up the mountain, it felt as if my bones were eroding by grinding against each other, but then my mom gave me some anti-inflammatory pills – I had two of those, and I was in fine fettle. When we slept over at the near-summit of the mountain and looked over the city, it was just… disconcerting. Being higher than the stupendously prodigious city of Cape Town, you can’t help but feel so minuscule… that’s definitely a feeling my head will not execrate… but rather savour. All the blathers and chortles of this hike were unequivocally something to recall in the future.

When we reached the bottom , I was satisfied because we had concluded this 2-day hike, but I felt oddly unsatisfied in a way because I wanted to see more and explore the mountain. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this hike and would do it again anytime.

(I have some culpability because I haven’t published in quite a prolonged period of time even though I said I would. I have big plans for the near-future, so hang tight and be prepared. Hope you enjoyed!)

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Running Down The Aisle…

One ill-lit inclement morning, a baby girl was born, but it was as if nobody cared about the fact that she came into existence, not even her mother. This baby girl’s name was Little Bertha, because she was Big Bertha’s younger sister. Little Bertha never got any attention, the spotlight always shined on Big Bertha, not the inferior younger sibling – for this reason, she became a very, very petulant person, hence nobody liked her. She was so immature and annoying because she didn’t get the attention she wanted, someone needed to put her in her place.

That’s when a very tall man called Brob (short for Brobdingnagian) was fed up with her malarkey and was going to end her endless thirst for attention once and for all. His evil scheme was to legally marry her and when she excitedly runs down the wedding aisle, he would get people to trip her and when she was on the ground, all vulnerable, he would then do his “secret finish”, and so he did.

Brob baited her into thinking he was madly in love with her and he did a fake proposal, she of course said yes, and he spread the word around town and many people wanted to get in on the prank. In the end, 50 people ended up being able to go to the wedding and pranking Little Bertha. They scheduled the wedding to be on April 1st so that they could finish the prank off with “April fools!” So on the first of April each person in the congregation of people wore their longest, most pointy pair of shoes they had to get an easy execution. At the wedding there was a beautiful cake, expensive snacks and everything you could want at a wedding; now was the time to strike…

Brob stood at the end of the aisle with his hand out, waiting for Little Bertha to run down the aisle and get tripped. Everyone was sweating and holding their laughter back, anticipating when Miss Bertha would walk in. “Creek…” everyone in the room looked back, but didn’t see anything, everyone looked back a second time just to corroborate that she wasn’t there, but they then adjusted their vision slightly downward and there it was… a wild beast with too much makeup. Little Bertha ran down the aisle, eyes close with all her might, today was the day she would finally get the attention she wanted. “Pow!” The sound of her ginormous forehead thumping onto the ground almost, just almost made you feel slightly bad, but now was the time for the secret finish. Brob released his inner core and it looked as if blazing flames ignited from his eyes, he took 4 paces back and sprinted to the body laying on the floor faster than a cheetah with thrusters, his long leg flew back and sent this poor old woman through the window, she went up and up, only gaining velocity. Once Little Bertha egressed the stratosphere, she regained consciousness, but… it was too late – she had already left the solar system and imploded before she could perceive where she was, and the last thing she heard was the laugh of the people and of course “April Fools!”

That’s how the life of the poor old Little Bertha was drastically ceased.

(Hope you enjoyed, this is an English assessment, hope I do well, and sorry for not posting for such a long time, I’m going to work on posting more frequently, but school does get in the way I guess.)

How to be a good friend

So my best friend, Jens (go ahead and scrutinize my other writing to find out about him) was on Instagram and decided to diss/roast one of the girls in my grade. He said some presumptuous words about her and she sent Jens an antagonistic DM (Direct Message) saying how immature he was and how he incapacitated her feelings. This was an opportunity to help out my friend, so I decided to write an apology letter for Jens to the girl.    This is what I wrote: 

“I’m sorry and am remorseful for my comment prior to yesterday on Instagram and am mentally crushing myself for what I have said. I feel inconsolable because I have cyber bullied you. I’m still conscience-stricken for what I have said and I hope you could examine your heart and gain possession of someplace with exculpation.”
In the end the girl thanked Jens for a mature apology and hoped that he would not diss anyone ever again. (I doubt that Jens and the girl understood some of the complex words, but I’ll just roll with it.)

 If you don’t want to write an apology for your friend to someone else, then help your friend to carry his/her cumbersome bag of luggage, he/she will will be grateful.

My Best-Friend

My best friend is a guy with the name of Jens . In my old school, he was the first person I met, it was an instant connection, we were best friends at first sight. Okay, so first of all, Jens is pronounced as “Yens”. He has short, blonde hair on the sides of his head, and long, blonde hair on top. So in other words he has blonde hair and has an English cut. Jens also has slightly chubby cheeks, like myself. His interests include gaming (a lot), sleeping, simultaneously chilling in bed and watching YouTube videos, eating at fast-food places (because, it’s fast food, like, come on.) and new trends online but the thing is, I have those EXACT interests as well. Jens loves playing soccer and 0.00% likes it when his brother hurts/annoys him, and yup, I’m the same. Here’s one thing that always happens, we’ll start talking about something normal/usual, and then next thing I know, we’re talking about something that PHYSICALLY can’t happen! For example; aliens going to Earth and dropping some insane amount of money on us, like five OCTILLION pounds, it just doesn’t make sense, AT ALL! Jens’ name backwards is “Snej”, which sounds a little like like sledge, so sometimes I call him “Snej hammer” for fun